My friends...

So, I've called a lot of people lately to get advice from them on one situation or another and was thinking about the people I call first and what they have in common.

Me, Lana, and Cristu on vaca in Dubai :)

Ha! A couple live in Phoenix, one is in New York City, one's in MN, one's in the crazy town of Fresno, one is in Dubai and the other is in Japan.  We are on completely different tracks in life.  Some are staying at home being baby mamas, others are living the single life in the Big Apple, one is teaching English to crazy Japanese kids, one's working in the corporate world and dating a great guy, two are still in school like me, another is dealing with loss and trying to understand how to move forward with her life. All are girls, but two are married, two are dating, and two are single, and one is widowed.  My friends keep getting more and more spread out and, yet, I feel closer to them then ever before. It's a complete paradox to me, but it works. 

Christine and I  (the one who just moved to NYC), were talking last night on what types of friendships work for us at this stage in our lives. And what makes those good friendships last. We came up with a couple of things that I believe are crucial to why these friendships work so so so well and why in these friendships everyone feels fulfilled between them.

First, and foremost, we love each other.  I mean we LOVE each other. I celebrate with them when they are happy, we cry together when we are sad, we feel for each other. We want happiness for one another and are happy because the other is happy.  The first time Bethanne met Phil, she wasn't sure about him, but she knew that he made me truly happy and because of that, loved him just the same. When I found out that I was accepted to medical school, Quichia was going through a lot in her a life, but she celebrated with me, and enjoyed my accomplishments. When she decided to move to Japan, I knew that I would miss her tremendously, and I do, but am so happy that she is in the place that makes her the happiest. We celebrate accomplishments, are proud of one another, we understand disappointments and heartbreak, and we know that at the end of the day, we are more than friends, we are family.

My baby mama while she was here in TX

Second, we COMMUNICATE with each other.  Whether that be through email, or text, or a long but much needed "phone date", or a simple facebook wall post, we communicate. And yes, we ask the complimentary how are you's? and what've you been up to?, but more importantly, we tell each other what we need. I can call and say, "I need advice, or to talk this through with you, or to tell you about what Phil did yesterday?".  And they can call and say "I need you to come to _______, I need to talk, I need some money" and if I can fill that need, I will and do. The only thing that is assumed in the conversation is that there is a mutual love and respect in the friendship. Everything else is placed on the table.  Whether it be a differential diagnosis for a 9 month old, tricks to help a significant other stop smoking, 2500 dollars for spending money, a long needed girl's weekend, or just an ear to listen, we state what we need and its wonderful! No one assumes that the other person can read their minds, everyone knows that what may be obvious to some, is completely opaque to others. The night I found out that John had died, Lila called me, told me, and when I asked her what I could do for her, she said "Can you come stay with me?". So I did. I'll move mountains for friends when they ask me to, and I know that they'll move mountains for me. It's wonderful.

My HSLM

Third, we UNDERSTAND each other. Also BEAUTIFUL. I know that if I call Christine and we play phone tag for two weeks, it's not because she is avoiding me, it's because we are both SUPER busy and while we are trying, that doesn't mean that our schedules always match.  I also know, that if I call Christine and tell her that I need her to call back right away, she understands that there is something that is pressing and will move schedules/mountains/reception towers to talk to me. I understand that when I call and talk to Bethanne that there will probably be either a screaming/or super happy child in the background. That just because she is watching him, doesn't mean that she's not also paying attention to me. That when she says she has to go, it's not because she doesn't care, but because she has a child that depends on her for everything. Bethanne also understands that if I don't call her for two or three weeks, its not because I don't want to talk to her or hear about her life, but that I am busy, trying to be a doctor, trying to create a good foundation for a marriage, and that I still miss her tremendously and think of her daily. I haven't actually talked to Quichia in over two months, and yet, I can honestly say that our friendship is strong because we genuinely understand one another. Actually, I haven't talked to Lana in person for almost a year and a half, but we know we are in different countries and when we do talk... it will be glorious.On the other hand,  I know that Ali and I aren't good on the phone, but instead, we update each other through blogs/facebook/and any other form of electronic communication. She knows that I cherish her daughters, even though I see them probably 3 or 4 times a year, love her husband and value her friendship tremendously. Understanding is crucial and oh so wonderful.

Finally, we have FORGIVENESS. Whether it be for a misspoken word, an unreturned call, or a poorly laid plan. We know that we aren't perfect, but that our intentions are good and loving. I know that when I say I'm sorry, that I mean it, and they know this as well. I know that if I tell Dulce that something she said truly hurt me, that she will be genuinely remorseful and try to rectify the situation in every possible way.  At the end of the day, we know that there is love and respect before bitterness and anger. We work hard, don't hold grudges, and love unconditionally. What more could you ask for?

Angie and I, over a year ago, but I love her nonetheless :)

And most importantly, we are not each other's "best friend", if there is such a thing. These people know that at the end of the day, Philip Rabon is my best friend, my first priority, and the love of my life. And I know that is true for Ali and Asaf, Beth and Jon, Christina and Garrett, Kiki and Ciro. And for my single/dating friends I know that they have a core group of people to lean on, not just myself. I know that Lila has all of John's family/Shandra/Stephanie and so many other people that love her. I know that Christine is ridiculously well loved, that Angie has some great friends. We are all so blessed. My friends know that my time with Phil and God come first, and then everything else. 

My best friend... sigh :)

Maybe I'm closest to these people because they don't live in the same city as me because we make the time we have together valuable and memorable, because we openly communicate our love. I don't know, but this is where I'm at right now. 

It is wonderful to have people who love you, communicate with you, understand and forgive you. That's all I can say.