So as part of our trip to Haiti, each of us has to reflect on our experience while we were there. It took me a while to write it, but here it is:
I have put off writing this reflection until the last moment. My reasons were not immediately clear to me; all I knew was that I was putting off this responsibility. In my procrastination, I have become immersed in the chaos around me. It has been a whirlwind of studying for exams, teaching high school students, planning a wedding, working out, going on dates, hiking, and doing anything else possible to avoid stopping and reflecting. Perhaps the main reason may be that because I am advancing in school and losing free time, I know I will not be returning to that type of situation for a while.
The long unexpected bus trips, hotels where you are trained to expect the unexpected (tarantulas, flooding showers and the sudden loss of power,) the questionable food that may make you sick, the lack of internet and cell phone service, a language barrier (playing charades with the locals until you are forced to used broken Spanish/Creole,) miscommunications, trucks that break down, and all other types of inconveniences that accompany being in the middle of an impoverished country. I know that deep down inside, I will miss it all.
I spent my formative years traveling and I absolutely love it. Not traveling as in backpacking through Europe, spending an evening in Times Square or any other glamorous place that most people dream about going. I mean traveling as in going to those places that few are willing to tread. The very first time I left U.S. soil I landed in Kenya. I was not there for a safari, though that part was enjoyable. I was there to work in orphanages, and to do what I could to help with the AIDS epidemic. In that country, I saw some of the most devastating poverty that my mind has ever grasped. I returned to the states with a new perspective on life and third world countries. Since that trip, I have been to Guatemala, Honduras, India, the United Arab Emirates, Mexico and the list goes on. My passport is filled with stamps that simply state, 'I am a world-traveler.' For Haiti and the Dominican Republic, I thought I prepared myself by studying poverty and corruption, and surrounding myself with people who are like-minded. I thought that if I knew a certain amount that I would be able to make a huge impact. I prepared myself mentally but not emotionally because, for a time, I thought that these trips were only for those who were less fortunate. I thought I was there to help them. I realize now that I was wrong.
There is a shirt that I have come across that reads, “I need Africa more than Africa needs me.” In this context, Africa could easily be replaced with Haiti, India or any of the dozens of other countries with similar plights. When I first saw those words branded on that cotton apparel, I was perplexed. I thought about all the poverty, AIDS and horror stories that come from any number of third world countries. I simply could not understand why someone would put that on a shirt. Those who know me well would tell you that I'm a "Fixer." When I come across a problem, my first instinct is to fix what is broken, help the hurting, and do what I can to make a difference. The first reaction I have to a negative situation is, "I have X, Y, and Z. Let me help you in any way I can." When I saw that shirt I thought, "I have so many resources here in the U.S., how could I need Africa more than Africa needs me?" After contemplating that shirt for some time though, I have come to understand a few things.
The truth of the matter is: we, as Americans, live in a society that values superficial beauty, hot commodities, manicured lawns, beautiful houses, and sex appeal. We want lives that are glamorous; poverty is not glamorous. There is nothing glamorous about children who have never worn shoes, whose bellies protrude from being filled with parasites, or whose eardrums have scarred over so many times because of ear infections they may lose their hearing later in life. There is nothing glamorous about mothers who birth children completely alone in their huts, or fathers who leave their children fatherless because they do not have the antibiotics necessary to treat their typhoid or malaria. It is these reasons that such people have been forgotten in our society. 
We live in our big houses, drive our expensive cars and go about pretending there aren't thousands upon thousands of children dying from easily preventable deaths every day. We ignore the forgotten because the thought of them makes us uncomfortable. They are forgotten because they make us feel ugly. Not about the façade that we manicure for ourselves, but the inner self that is drowning in the ever rising waters of apathy and denial. I have faced this poverty and the people who live in it; their beauty has shined a light on my ugliness. Their kindness to one another is a thing of beauty and has revealed my own selfishness. Their hospitality has shined a light on my tendency to shy away from the unknown. The beauty in their smiles, despite overwhelming circumstances, has shown me how I can get angry when the slightest thing goes awry. Their resourcefulness has shown me how much I have forgotten about creativity and ingenuity. Their hard work has exposed my own tendency to be lazy about school and other responsibilities that are important. In all of these things, I have come to learn you will not find sex appeal in these villages, but you will find beauty. True beauty.
Now I realize there is so much truth to those words on that shirt; it simply astounds me. There is no denying that there are a billion things that need to be done in this world. There are wells to dig, hospitals to build, economies to strengthen, money to dispense, and so much more. We can throw money at projects all day long, but we can lose sight of what's really important. Because, in the meantime, there are children to feed, mothers to care for, and families to love. All of these require not just money, but human interaction. When I came to see these beautiful Haitians and Dominicans as people rather than a diagnosis or an interesting case, I realized that I need them more than they need me. I need their beauty to remind me that this world is not ugly. I need their kindness to remind me to be kind to those from all walks of life. I need their hospitality to show me how to be comfortable with those who are so different. I need their smiles to remind me that I have my own. I need their amazing ingenuity to show me that with enough thought and work, anything can be solved. This trip and others like it have taught me that true beauty is so much better than sex appeal.
It's on these things that I reflect. My time in the Dominican Republic was filled with those unexpected situations that you come across while traveling in a foreign country, but at the end of the day it is not what I remember most. I remember the complete and unselfish love that was revealed by one mother a she tried to give me her baby because she wanted a better life for her child. I remember the compassion of one of our doctors who took off her shoes and went barefoot so a woman could own a single pair. I remember the children who didn’t have food in their little bellies but continued to smile when we had nothing to give them except antibiotics and vitamins. I remember the friendships that were made, not only amongst the group of students, but also amongst the translators, the Dominicans, the Haitians and the doctors who mentored all of us. I remember the reason that I fell in love with traveling and cultures. I remember the reason I fell in love with medicine. All of that will push me to work harder, learn more and become, not just an average doctor, but a good one. I avoided writing this reflection because I will miss these trips. Not the cold showers, or the bumpy roads, but the love of the culture, the beauty of clinical medicine in its simplicity. I will miss the kindness, hospitality, and love of the people. I have so much to learn from them and so little time to spare.
At the end of the day, “I need Haiti more than Haiti needs me.”
